a season-struggle

I adore most aspects of fall- the crispy leaves, the smell of bonfires, pulling the sweaters down from the tippity-top of the closet. but to be honest, I have been feeling this pull in the pit of my stomach lately & today I found the source: I am summer sick. I must confess it. as excited as everyone is for the change of season, I just keep wishing we could go back to laying in the sunshine & having long afternoons & swimming & wasting time. So in the spirit of wallowing in my own summer-pity (& in the spirit of wanting to update this blog daily despite having very little time today to do so) I thought I would simply post a short entry from my summer journal. Farewell, sweet summertime.

[july 17 2009]

I sat on my front porch steps today after a jog & watched the fireflies. I wasn't planning on it, but I just sat there because I realized it was a gift - the quiet, the trace of light, the sticky air snug around me, the feeling of everything being alive & present & full. I laid down so my back was flat against the cool-ish stone floor & thought I could die like that. It wasn't a morbid moment or anything, just a thought that when I go I want it to be in a simple beautiful minute like that one; me being so fully aware of my body & the little sounds of the yard & the comfort in being alone. It was nice & it was strange. Maybe it was more just a desire for the stillness that was there. There is something about the front porch in the dimming light that leads me to quiet, and I can't typically find that without a struggle. I should say thank you to the sunset & to the cold gray floor of the porch, too.