tears

What makes you weep?

What makes your heart crumble into little pieces? What do you find to be so beautiful that you loose yourself for a moment, literally can't keep it together, melt into a teary-gorgeous-mess when you think of it? What rips you apart? What makes you angry to the point of sobs? What can you not even bear to look at? What buries deep into your spirit and fills you so full that you have to let it out in tears because you are past the brim?

Have you thought about it?

Tears are not rare, let me tell you. I am an easy cry; it usually just takes a sappy chick-flick or a good book. But real soul-wrenching-I'm-sobbing-my-heart-out-tears, those are the precious ones and those just don't happen often enough.

One of my dearest friends, Anna, came to visit this weekend and shared something she read recently. It was something along the lines of "pay close attention to what makes you weep, because that is when you are closest to the Lord's heart, and at the same time it's when you're discovering what's in your own."

And that isn't talking about "oh, I just stubbed my toe and now I'm crying", or "sad, a dog just died" sort of tears. There are times when we are so moved by an injustice, or we so intimately experience a moment, or we fall so deeply in love we can't control it, or we ache to do something or change something or run toward something, that we just weep. Has it happened to you? Have you felt your soul cry out for one reason or another? And have you paid attention?

I think I've come to the conclusion that if what you're doing doesn't make you break down in tears sometimes, than maybe you shouldn't be doing it. What I love is how the Lord loves so specifically, and how He can surprise you suddenly with an overwhelming desire, a hurt, a passion you never saw coming, a beautiful thing that moves you when you least expected it to.

My fear for living in the type of world we do is that we aren't encouraged to weep, and we aren't encouraged to ache for things. We are told to remain in places where we can live easily and experience things shallowly. We are told that tears are for the weak, even though Jesus wept, and wept even for us.

And so I'll pray for the ability to live with a vulnerable heart that is listening to the Lord, and that I would be unafraid to ache how He aches, and then to act on that.

Lord, break me down into pieces. Make me long for your justice and your mercy, and tear me up with sobbing when I see darkness, because I so desperately desire light to be there instead. Precious Father, reveal to me your glory, and make me cry then, too - tears rich and abundant because my soul simply cannot contain the beauty of experiencing it.